You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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