just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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