I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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