Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
