Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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