Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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