Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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