I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
