I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
