I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
as a side note pls kill me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
