If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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