just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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