There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
