I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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