Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
