i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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