i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
