Buhtt sex?
I smell stomach acid.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
