end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
