you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
