It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
