the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize