I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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