There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
