she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
