Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
