I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
