Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
