i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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