Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You brought string cheese to the strip club
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
