it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
