Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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