Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
