i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
