I accidentally had phone sex last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
