Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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