On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
