His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
