Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
