last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
