our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
