But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
