Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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