My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Two words: nipple clamps
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