There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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