I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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