They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
