If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
