I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
