He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
