you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
