hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
