I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
