WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
