i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
