I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
