sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
