he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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