my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
is it fun? or sober?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
