Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
