guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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