I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
