nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
