it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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