dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
