My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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