I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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