Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
