What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
