I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
