Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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