apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
