You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize