just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
