I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
