i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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