just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
