i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize