i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
