you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
