I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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