Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He better not be in your backpack
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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