Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
