he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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