What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
