I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
