there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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