i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
