totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
