just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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