she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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