It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
