In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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