Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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