I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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