i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
