yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize