My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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