The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize