The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
