Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
