My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
