I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm too high and old for this...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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