We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize