So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
