Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
