in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
