We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
